Dirty Duds Done Dirt Cheap
by PreviouslyAnonymous
Summary: Luke gets an unexpected surprise while working though Lorelai's birthday "to-do" list. Starts just after their kitchen conversation in Happy Birthday, Baby. One-shot.


A/N - If you like this little story, you can thank **deepfriedcake** for pushing me to post it (and for some great beta-ing too)!

Dirty Duds Done Dirt Cheap

Luke trudged up the stairs with Bert the toolbox, Lorelai's birthday to-do list in hand. Jess skipping school to work at Walmart was still at the forefront of his mind, but doing some chores around the Crap Shack would give him something else to focus on for a while. He had glanced over the items downstairs in the kitchen with Lorelai, but didn't really register all the tasks. As he reached the bathroom to work on the electrical outlet by the bathtub, he saw "laundry" down near the bottom of the list.

"Oh, come on!" he grumbled to himself. He set Bert down in the bathroom, placed the list on top, and went to scope out her room. She had cleaned up a bit and it was clear that the pile on her bed was the laundry. His face burned immediately.

"Lorelai!" he turned from the room and ran down the stairs. "Lorelai! What the hell are you getting at?" he accused, rounding the corner from the bottom of the stairs into the hallway. He was surprised to find the kitchen empty. She was just there a minute ago.

"Lorelai?" he called. He darted from room to room. She wasn't anywhere downstairs and he had just been upstairs. He looked out the front window of Rory's room and saw the jeep was missing.

"God dammit. She's messing with me. She has to be messing with me," he stormed up the stairs again. "I'm not doing that. She has to know I'm not doing that."

The outlet by the tub was working again. The showerhead was cleaned and tightened. The stairs had been de-squeaked and the chip on the railing filled in. He was working on the loose floorboard in the entryway. Thoughts of Jess were definitely gone. All he'd been thinking about the whole afternoon was the pile of laundry sitting in Lorelai's room. He scoffed.

"She thinks she's so funny. I'm not falling for it. There's no way," he mumbled to himself while standing up and testing the board with his foot.

The last thing he was going to do before leaving for the afternoon was fix a stuck dresser drawer at the foot of her bed, but he didn't want to go back into her room. If he went in there, he'd have to actually look at the pile of laundry. Not just register what it was but truly see it. Looking at it right there on the bed, taunting him, would surely set his imagination loose and that was the last thing he needed right now. There were other things to focus on. Like how to handle Jess skipping school and meeting Nicole's parents. He worked up the nerve to go stand outside her bedroom door.

"Man up, Danes. You don't have to look at it. Just fix the drawer and get out." He took a deep breath and went straight to the dresser. "Pretend you didn't see the damn stuff in the first place. There's nothing unusual going on here. Nothing different from every other year, when the chump handyman offers slave labor to the town princess."

He made quick work of the drawer and when he turned from the dresser to immediately leave the room, he tripped on the rug, or his foot, or the bedframe. He didn't really have time to analyze because he'd landed face first in the laundry. His face was burning again, and it might have even matched some of the lacy red items in the pile of lingerie that he was trying desperately not to notice.

"Aw crap," he groaned. Some of the pieces had fallen to the floor. He couldn't leave them there or it would look like he was digging through her underwear. He couldn't pick them up and throw them back on the bed because she'd know and think the same thing anyway. If he actually did the laundry, she'd still win because he would be embarrassed to be around her, knowing she knew he touched her….delicates.

Choosing what he considered the least offensive option, he quickly grabbed the pile of dirty duds and walked as fast as he could down the stairs, through the living room and hall to the small laundry room just off the kitchen. "Of all the…" he trailed off mid thought. "I can't believe she doesn't have a laundry basket. God knows how often she even does her laundry anyway. She's been in the diner without underwear before. Probably more than once. Oh jeez, how many times has she not had underwear on in my diner? That's it. This is ridiculous. I'm not doing this." He dropped the pile right in the middle of the kitchen where he stood. He turned around to go grab Bert from her room and leave. If she questioned him, he'd make up some excuse that he got called away for an emergency and couldn't actually start the laundry.

Going up the stairs yet again, he saw a lacy red bra that had slipped unnoticed from the pile in his rush to get everything in the washer. He huffed and picked it up. Once it was in his hand he sat down on a step, appreciating the feel of the lace between his fingers. No matter how hard he fought it, he wanted her. How was he supposed to meet Nicole's parents when he wanted to be with another woman?

'She doesn't want to be with you, man. She's just messing with you," he muttered to himself, trying to force himself back to reality.

He played back their conversation from earlier in the kitchen. She had seemed surprised when he told her he'd be having lunch with Nicole's parents. Then again she said it made sense too, but when she told him it was great, she couldn't look him in the eye. The following smile was meant to be reassuring to him, but maybe she was trying to reassure herself too?

"There's no way," he finally concluded. "This was just a ploy to get you riled up and embarrassed. Oh, she's good."

With that he decided to start the laundry before leaving. His best revenge would be actually getting to touch her lingerie and not let on how worked up he had been about it. She'd never know how much he agonized about it all afternoon and if he could just keep his cool the next time he saw her he could walk away with a clean win.

He smiled to himself as he grabbed Bert and made his way to the front door. Even though he dumped all the lingerie unceremoniously into the washer and freaked out all afternoon, he'd done it. Her delicate underwear was in the running washer and he was halfway through his plan. Plus, he'd held that lacy red bra and that should fuel his dreams for a while. Now if he could only get out there and keep his cool until he got to the diner, he could pull this off.

As he was getting to the entryway Lorelai opened the front door and walked in.

"Oh hey Mr. Handyman! You heading out so soon?"

Luke took a deep breath and responded with as few words as possible to try and keep his cover "Yep."

"Really?" she questioned while she dropped her keys on the table. He went straight for the door trying to escape. "If you finished the list already, I could add more stuff."

"No, I left a couple things for when I come back with my drill."

"Dirty!" she gasped in mock horror at him as he walked out the door. He decided to go all in.

"Yeah, yeah. We've been here before. Speaking of dirty though, I gotta tell ya I did enjoy manhandling your laundry. I'm a fan of the red lacy bra." He winked at her and took off down the porch stairs. It was definitely better to leave as soon as possible after delivering that line. His face was already turning red as he quickly trotted down the drive and around the corner. He chuckled to himself. He could cross two things off his list. The laundry and lunch with Nicole's parents. There would be no need to visit the parents of somebody he wouldn't be seeing anymore. He'd wait as long as it took to see Lorelai wear any of that lingerie for him.


End file.
